He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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