I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
