I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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