just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
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