I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
