their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
