Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
