I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
