apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
