Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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