I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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