i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
