I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
