You work out of a Hotel?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
