he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
