so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Randomize
