kristin has been a bad kristin
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
