I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
