wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
