What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize