you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
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Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
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That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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