I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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