I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
