This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize