Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
