He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
