Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
