Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
