I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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