You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
