Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
