take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
