dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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