She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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