we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
