I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
