He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
