I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
