can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
as a side note pls kill me
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
