like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
