My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
