What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
