Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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