WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
