I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
