your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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