porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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