Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
