nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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