Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
