The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
