Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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