you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
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I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
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if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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