i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
this boner is exhausting
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
