if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
