so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
