You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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