my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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