i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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