I don't usually arrange sex via text message
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
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They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
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My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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