Dude my mom stole all your condoms
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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