i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
now i know why i became what i already was.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
