I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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