if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
