I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
