I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
