I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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