I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
