I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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