lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
